Dooley Tracker
Dooley Tracker™ UPDATED 5/25
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​​​​​​​​​Dooley Tracker: Update 007 (who’s keeping track of this…Llamasloth007?) — The Graveyard Stream
Dooley has entered a new arc.
Forget spreadsheets. Forget drama receipts. This man has physically manifested his block list in the form of tiny headstones, and he is building a graveyard of the digitally deceased—live, on stream.
Each miniature tombstone is a solemn tribute to those who dared click “Block” and thought that would be the end.
It wasn’t.
Confirmed:
• Headstones are real.
• Names may or may not be Sharpie’d.
• Ambient graveyard noises might play during stream intermissions.
• The “In Memoriam” segment is now a regular feature.
• The cemetery grows with each ban like a haunted Tamagotchi thirsting for spite.
Unconfirmed:
• Whether Dooley is legally allowed to call this “performance art.”
• If a fog machine is involved.
• If Kyle will visit.
Coming soon:
The Dooley Mausoleum Expansion Pack (For long-term beef.)
Dooley Tracker: Update 006 — He’s Back (Unfortunately)
Kyle’s back.
He crawled into HQ through the floorboards, whispered “I licked the moon again,” and handed us a fully filled-out Series 5 spreadsheet, soaked in ranch and glitter glue.
His return checklist:
• Whisper to every unopened mega box
• Declared war on Ginger Mom’s paddle
• Claimed he is “Temple Currency”
• Demanded we “bring back pogs but for emotional debt”
He brought bondage gnomes with him
They’re unionized now. We legally can’t stop them.
Dooley Tracker: Update 005 — The Gnome Conspiracy
Kyle’s gone again. Not metaphorically—physically gone.
We asked where he went. The QC gnomes shrugged.
So now the Bondage Gnomes are doing the tracking. Which would be helpful if they weren’t also:
• Tampering with Space Series Master Cases (they load them all with Onyx cards good for https://cardlosophy.com (advertising money please) not so great for Cardsmyths
• Stealing Dooley’s ranch supply
• And allegedly forming a union
If you get a case with 14 Onyx [REDACTED] and a coupon for a “Free Forbidden Ranch-ual,” that’s them.
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Dooley Tracker: Update 004— Ginger Mom Ascends
With Kyle still missing and the gnomes now legally classified as saboteurs, Ginger Mom has stepped in to track Dooley.
Surveillance was going well—until she saw him eating 6 hot dogs in a row, each soaked in ranch, and not a single glass of water in sight.
She lost it.
Burst out of a bush with a custom Apes Series paddle, screamed “HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE,” and spanked him into another timeline.
Dooley reportedly said:
“Worth it.”
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Time: 9:04 AM
Location: Outer space
Visual Evidence: Dooley redbull jumpsuit.
Log Entry:
He’s in space. He’s literally in space.
no helmet! No fear. Just a smile and what looks like a repurposed ding defender strapped to his back as a parachute.
The tracker beeped once, then went silent.
The goat howled.
Kyle threw up a little glitter.
We lost signal. For exactly six hours.
Was he lost in orbit?
No one knows. But then—
Time: 3:04 PM
Location: Near Rockefeller center (??? allegedly ???)
Update: Dooley posted this one himself. A mysterious photo. No feet. No Ranch packet in hand... Suspect
Analysis: After tracking him down
• He looks refreshed.
• The ranch is unopened but somehow already empty.
Kyle is refusing to log any more data. Ginger Mom is attempting to rehydrate Kyle against his will. Angry Chef does not want to be included in this Anal-a-sis”
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Conclusion:
Dooley left the planet and returned stronger.
We are not prepared.
The track must continue.
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Live Surveillance Since… We Don’t Talk About It
Welcome to the Dooley Tracker, the internet’s least legal and most emotionally confused attempt to monitor the chaotic brilliance that is YoDooley—streamer, cardboard whisperer, and certified Lore Threat Level 7.
This page is updated whenever Kyle gets bored or the tracker goat stops screaming.
Current Dooley Status: Elusive. Possibly eating string cheese with ranch.
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Routine as Observed by a Totally Normal Individual Named “Definitely Not Kyle”
6:42 AM – Wakes up. Immediately yells “RANCH!” while throwing a used sock at the wall. No one else is in the room.
6:45 AM – Stares into the mirror and mutters, “You can do this... Kick names and take ass"
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7:00 AM – Breakfast: 3 cold waffles, a bottle of ranch, and a suspicious amount of glitter. Drinks an entire energy drink through.
8:03 AM – Begins pacing. Says “Don't downvote, Don't downvote”.
9:17 AM – Opens the Dooley Portal (also known as his closet). Enters. No one sees him for 2 hours. When he returns, he’s wearing a panda mask and knows three new cards from Series 6 that haven’t been invented yet.
11:11 AM – Posts cryptic lore on Reddit. One viewer cries. Another ascends.
12:30 PM – Lunch: Probably a burrito. Possibly a manifestation of his unresolved childhood fears. Hard to tell. Everything is wrapped in tinfoil.
1:00 PM – 4:00 PM – Unknown. Tracker footage gets scrambled. All we hear is faint chanting and the sound of cards being caressed.
5:17 PM – Yells “WE GO LIVE IN 3!” even when not live. Scares a mailman. The mailman runs away.
6:00 PM – Goes live on Whatnot. Opens cards, tears reality, sells cards, redeems souls. All at once.
9:00 PM – Signs off with a wink that somehow causes Wi-Fi interference within a 30-mile radius.
10:13 PM – Sleep routine: puts phone on charger, lights a candle, plays lo-fi lore-core, and stares at a signed Miles card until his third eye closes.
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Tracker Accuracy: 31%
Legality: 0%
Emotional Damage Caused: Yes
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If you’ve seen Dooley in the wild, please report sightings to Kyle using our “Sighting Form” (currently just a napkin stapled to a ferret).
This page will update the moment Dooley blinks in binary again. Until then, stay vigilant. Stay sleeved.
Dooley’s Favorite Smells
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​ 1. New sleeve plastic – “Smells like potential.”
2. Freshly opened collectors pack musk – A sacred scent. Possibly flammable.
3. Ranch dressing on a warm dashboard
4. Lightly toasted gem– Just a whiff. Never a full inhale.
5. Victory sweat – Collected after pulling back-to-back redemption cards.
6. Mysterious cardboard box that says “DO NOT OPEN (seriously Kyle)”
7. Feet – No elaboration. He simply nodded when asked.
8. The air right before a chaotic Whatnot stream – Described as “static and Mountain Dew.”
9. Banana peels from two days ago – “They’ve aged into their scent arc.”
10. Whatever Kyle’s fear smells like – Not technically a scent, but Dooley can sense it.
Dooley’s Favorite… “Other” Things
​(Things he shouldn’t love, and yet…)
1. Shouting at gems to “reveal their secrets”
2. Duct taping base cards to his ankles “for balance”
3. Naming all his top loaders – Currently on loader #238, “Cheryl”
4. Wearing socks over his shoes to “increase draw power”
5. Playing card solitaire but with live spiders
6. Holding ranch like a sacred relic then using it... sexually
7. talking with suspicious pandas and crow's
8. Using PSA slabs as dinner plates “for special occasions”
9. Refusing to blink during pack openings to “assert dominance”
10. Secretly watching Garfield edits at 2AM and rating them emotionally
Where’s Dooley Been?
(A list of confirmed, rumored, and probably imagined sightings of YoDooley)
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Confirmed Dooley Sightings:
1. The Whatnot Basement HQ – Entered through a vending machine. Left through a urinal.
2. Kyle’s bathroom (uninvited) – Just stood there. Whispered, “Toploaders… never lie.”
3. Inside a USPS bin marked “Returns: DO NOT OPEN” – Laughed the entire time.
4. At a Denny’s at 3AM, trading feet pics for ranch packets
5. On top of a forklift during a livestream – No forklift license. No regrets.
6. Sleeping inside a Farmer Cr0w costume at a convention
7. In the background of an unboxing video from 2018. Wearing a panda mask. No one noticed.
8. Once filmed an entire Whatnot stream from inside a refrigerator
9. A treehouse made entirely of base cards and glitter glue
10. The roof of Cardsmiths HQ, yelling card rarities at passing planes
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Rumored Dooley Appearances:
1. In a high school yearbook from 1996, labeled “Most Likely to Pull Heat”
2. On the back of a Canadian milk carton – “Missing: But Still Streaming”
3. Seen by a hiker mid-trail, holding a PSA 10 and vanishing into fog
4. Briefly replaced a museum audio tour guide and only said “Oynx, baby” on loop
5. At Area 51 gift shop, signing base set commons for lizard men
6. Once spotted in a dream sequence during Kyle’s annual breakdown
7. Reflected in a mirror that wasn’t facing him
8. As the shadow under a table at a Cardsmiths meeting that “no one remembers scheduling”
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Kyle’s Official Notes:
Places Dooley Is Now Banned From
(Updated hourly. Sometimes mid-stream.)
1. The Cardsmiths Office Supply Closet
Reason: Tried to sleeve the printer and called it “a rare industrial parallel.”
2. The Employee Break Room Fridge
Reason: Replaced everyone’s lunches with unopened collector boxes and said, “You’ll pull sustenance if you believe hard enough.”
3. Kyle’s Car
Reason: Hid under a blanket in the back seat whispering sweet nothings. Wasn’t invited. Kyle cried a little.
4. The Pandas house
Reason: Refused to get out. Lived there for 3 days. Claimed “the bear must bond with the host.”
5. The Rooftop of Cardsmiths HQ
Reason: Started a ritual with slabs, glitter, and a speaker playing Gregorian chants. No explanation. Too effective.
6. The USPS
Reason: Tried to ship himself in a ding defender labeled “Real Dooley Squatch.” Delayed 42 packages and one dimension.
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7. Kyle’s Dreams
Reason: Has entered them uninvited 7 times. Once just stood there holding a PSA 10 labeled “Emotional Damage.”
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8. Any Waffle House within a 50-mile radius
Reason: Brought his own “Ranch,” slapped a bottle on the griddle, and said “Cook the Ranch.” Got a standing ovation. Still banned.
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Pending Review:
• The Woman's Bathroom
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Stalker's Log
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Entry #044
Location: Inside the pantry, disguised as a box of Wheat Thins
Time: Unknown. I have lost all sense of linearity.
He opens the pantry 7 times but only eats on the 4th. He talks to his food. Today he told a burrito, “This is your final form.” The burrito accepted its fate.
There’s a note on the fridge that just says:
“Remember: Stream hard. Cry later.”
I feel like I’m learning too much.
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Entry #047
Location: Under his streaming desk
Time: Mid-stream
I was there—beneath him—during the stream. He dropped a gem. It slid across the floor. It touched me. I blacked out and saw every undiscovered oynx and there locations. I now know the true meaning of the Citrine Dip.
He laughed during the live. Not at anything. Just… laughed.
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Entry #050
Location: Inside the bathtub, fully clothed, hiding under a limited-edition panda towel
Time: 2:17 AM
He practices his intros in the mirror. Dooley isn’t born. Dooley is summoned—like Beetlejuice, but with better hair and more gems.
He whispered, “No one finds the Dooley. The Dooley finds them.”
Then looked directly at the mirror.
I’m not sure he didn’t see me.
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